It’s a strangely quiet day on the Intercoastal this holiday weekend unofficially launching summer in the USA. Maybe everyone is at the ocean now that they’re allowed after 10 weekends not. I went out in the kayak, drifting with the current looking up at all the interesting layers of clouds – some light and airy, some soft and fluffy, some heavy and grey.
I haven’t written much this week because I don’t know what to say or even what I feel. There is more activity around me with restaurants and shops opening up. I’m encouraged more viewpoints are being voiced and fear is diminishing little by little.
Peru declared the state of emergency will continue until June 30 but some businesses can open and people can come out of their houses while remaining in their local areas. The Transportation Minister said domestic flights might resume in July and international ones in October while leaving those possibilities purposely vague.
The garden visit with my mom was sweet. She was happy to see me but confused why I couldn’t come closer than the 10 feet that separated us
So many layers of feelings have left me in “neutral”. I feel a resignation that goes beyond acceptance. I’ve lost any sense of meaning or purpose which is neither depressing nor joyful. It simply IS. I simply AM. It’s an unfamiliar state having had a plan of some sort most of my life. Now I am plan-less.
It was the new moon yesterday and I have no seed to plant, no intention to manifest, no hope seeking fulfilment. I look again at the clouds, seeing beauty and movement in their layers, intangible and inexplicable. It’s enough.
May 23, 2020