I was talking with a Florida friend today, who is currently living in North Carolina. When I move to the condo in Lantana, we would have been neighbors but she is leaning toward staying in NC. Her X is Peruvian, also stranded up here. I met them when they were both living in Peru 15 years ago.
We laughed about what a blessing (albeit mixed) that I’m here rather than there because she knows how much I would dislike being told where I can go and when, especially by an army officer holding a machine gun.
There are things in the USA I find disturbing but having my freedom to move and be outside in nature is something I enthusiastically appreciate. I wouldn’t have chosen, under normal circumstances, to live in south Florida but I am very grateful for the warm weather and sunshine that many friends up north are longing for.
I laughed at myself again when I started to have separation anxiety about my upcoming move, leaving Schwinn and Jupiter behind. I laughed because it’s my choice, my timing and I’ll be close enough to visit anytime I want. Of course, it isn’t so much about separation as it is about change.
I’ve been longing for some change for 39 days now, but when it is imminent, the underside of change – the unknown – brings up contrary feelings. Truth is, I’m very excited by the prospect of creating a type of “new life” in a space I can call my own, in a town I’ve yet to discover.
I’m willing to trust the unknown because the past six weeks have been a time of sharing deeper intimacy with my brother Dennis and his wife Sharon. It’s been a rare opportunity to get to know each other in ways a short visit doesn’t permit. If I think back to my first musing written on March 31st, when I felt “outside” my family, having difficulty accepting my brother’s kind offer to stay with him, I can see how much healing has happened for me, maybe for all of us.
That’s why I can now accept another family member’s kind offer and still be excited about being on my own again – because I’m not really on my own. And even though I’m not home, I can feel at home where I am. That’s the kind of change I can celebrate.
April 24, 2020